Parenting a High Needs Child

by Amy Lukich

What are the differences?

High needs… special needs?  How does one define the difference?

No matter what the case is, parenting children is rough even if they don’t have special needs. On the one side, some could argue that all kids have differences. I wouldn’t argue with that. 

When raising children who have neurological differences though, it takes a lot of a different kind of willpower to parent through and make it through the trenches. I know this from personal experience.

I guess I kind of knew in the back of my mind the whole time that my son was different. Mostly though, I thought it was and it truly is part of his personality. When he was two years old, I signed up for a Mommy/Daddy and Me sports class. He was about 2 and a half. Now, granted, half of the other children were about 3 or 4 years old, so their listening and attention skills should be greater. But, my son was the only one who visibly would basically run in circles or out the door every time we had this class. When the group had to get together to blow bubbles, etc. he would not stay put. I think one class, the obstacle course, he sort of participated. Of course, he was always moving objects around.

When my son was about the same age, we attended a storytime at a library nearby. My sister was a nanny at the time, and she invited us to come with her. As it turns out, the first storytime was crowded, so the librarian asked us later if we wanted to come in she would do it again. So, it was just me and my sister in the room. Anytime the librarian started with a directive, my son would run off. In fact, he went and tried to escape the whole time. 

When my son was 3, my mom, sister, and I took him to a downtown event. We wanted to go on a carriage ride, but unfortunately, the line was long. My son would not even for a moment wait in line. I either had to physically keep him there or run after him. This was the first and not the last time that I heard the public’s view. A grandma, not a great one I might add, said to my mom, “Does he have autism or ADHD?” Then she went on to explain that her grandsons, who by the way were standing right there, had ADHD and showed signs of autism. Let’s just say it’s a good thing that she said it to my mom and not me. I don’t know what my reaction would have been. At the time, I didn’t know what autism was. ADHD –  sure, I had heard of that. 

Let me tell you those are all signs of autism or different wiring. More and more, I noticed every time I brought him to a public event things like this were recurring. And it’s still something that occurs now.

So you want to know what the biggest issue is of a high needs kid?  It is being in the public eye. A child who can talk and appears “normal” or whatever that means shouldn’t do the things that they do.  It is being in the supermarket or church and people wondering why your child is hitting you and you are taking it. Why they are screaming on the floor of Walgreens. Why when you bring them to see Santa you have to leave because they couldn’t wait and were literally pulling things down. Why you have to explain to your family members that an hour is enough for a family party because your child will not settle down for the world. Yes, having a high needs child is like having twins or even more combined. But I have to tell you that it’s not all bad. The fact that my son notices all the little things and takes in the world around him more than others is something that makes me slow down and smell the roses. That his creative mind is always thinking about his next science project. That his obsessive interests have become ones that will hopefully serve him later in life.

What signs to look for:

• Not being able to handle social situations well
• Having a difficult time potty training (more than usual)
• Appears to not hear your directions
• Needs everything to be in a specific order
• Upset easily by small changes or the same changes every day
• Runs off to escape social situations

Places to go for help:

These are the best links for parents of children with high needs. I listen to these podcasts and view the websites regularly.

• Parentingadhdandautism.org with Penny Williams
• Tiltparenting.com with Debbie Reber. She wrote the newly popular book Differently Wired.
• Brightandquirky.com with Debbie Steinberg Kuntz
• TheSensorySpectrum.com  – Good advice on sensory differences.
• MaryBarbera.com – Advice for autism/Verbal Behavior Approach.
• andnextcomesl.com – Good free printables. 

Are you the parent of a high needs child? What tips or ideas do you have to offer other parents of high needs children? What are some of the positive aspects of parenting a high needs child? Please connect with us on Instagram @MapsCookingKids or on Twitter @MapsCookingKids.

Until next time, agape, be kind, and happy parenting.